"So You Wanna Be An Adventurer?" tells the tale of Bob Bumbleton, our humble hero, as he undertakes an epic quest to defeat the Dark Lord Morvodok the Black! In case you couldn't tell, this comic parodies medieval/fantasy clichés and RPG stereotypes. I can't guarantee you will get all the jokes unless you enjoy playing RPG's. But hopefully you'll enjoy the comic either way!
NOTE: Character stats here use the SPECIAL system (Strength Perception Endurance Charisma Intelligence Agility and Luck) in order to separate them from D&D (and also because it's better for truly characterizing them). Attributes in the SPECIAL system range from 0 to 10, with 10 being the best possible. If you want to see the D&D stats, you can wait and download the Baldur's Gate and Icewind Dale character files I plan to upload.
Jump to:
- Begin the Comic!
- The Cast of Characters
- LEGO Stickers
- The Epic Storyline Cliché Formula
- Other Related Works
- Official Discussion Thread
| Archive If you're finding it's too much trouble to read over past pages of the comic by flipping through the archive system, here is each actual comic "book" separated into Acts below. All of the strips in each act are on a single web-page, so there is no flipping involved. However, you do miss out on all my crazy rambling comments... |
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 Act 1: Hell Comes to Breakfast |
 Act 2: A Party in Scorpiontowne |
 Act 3: On the Yellow Brick Road of Destiny |
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The Cast of Characters
NOTE: Portraits are sized to be forum avatars!
Our Unlikely Heroes
Bob (Robert Bumbleton)
(Male Human Neutral Good Fighter)
Str: 6 Per: 4 End: 8 Cha: 5 Int: 4 Agi: 4 Luck: 10
Bob was once a humble farmer on a humble farm humbly farming his life away. But when the undead army of the Dark Lord Morvodok the Black came, burned down the farm, and killed his uncle, Bob set off on the path to vengeance, the path to justice! The path to become... an Adventurer! Clearly this was fated by the gods, for despite being generally clumsy and having no combat training, he is able to fight like a warrior. He also receives visions from an immortal spirit in his dreams, who tells him about his destiny. All of this probably has something to do with his parents, since, like all heroes, he was an orphan and did not know them. He is currently seeking the shards of the sword Carasmyr so that he can re-forge the weapon and use it to defeat Morvodok and all the forces of EVIL! Bob also has a bad habit of talking to himself.
Hawkin
(Male Human Chaotic Good Ranger)
Str: 6 Per: 8 End: 7 Cha: 5 Int: 6 Agi: 8 Luck: 4
A wandering ranger that Bob met just after leaving his farm, Hawkin is, of course, very silent and stoic, as well as a highly skilled fighter. He apparently has a mysterious past as well, which he refuses to talk about. Indeed, he talks very little. His most common phrase is "ellipsis." That is to say: "..." Hawkin follows his own moral compass and clearly has little patience for established laws. Though he has a kind heart and helps the needy, he carries out justice and vengeance without mercy. As a well-traveled ranger, he has great knowledge of the land and it's people, as well as great skill with weapons. So since he apparently holds a grudge against EVIL just like Bob, he's certainly welcome to be part of the adventuring party, along with his two swords, his bow, and his pet hawk.
Ellipsis
(Female Hawk)
Hawkin's animal companion, a grey-feathered hawk that he apparently can communicate with, though silently. She is free of any type of harness and apparently only travels with Hawkin out of loyalty. Hawkin says she is still a wild bird and is his friend, not his pet. He refuses to give the bird a real name because he claims wild animals don't have names, nor do they want or need them. Bob, by breaking the fourth wall, has dubbed her "Ellipsis" due to Hawkin's love of that particular punctuation mark. The bird herself is quite intelligent, and besides being a skilled hunter, also makes a great scout, since she can fly ahead and report back to Hawkin what she has seen.
Bomm Hellaxe
(Male Dwarf Chaotic Evil Barbarian)
Str: 10 Per: 5 End: 12 Cha: 1 Int: 4 Agi: 6 Luck: 6
A Deepstone Dwarf of the Blackbeard Clan, Bomm (short for Bommlech) was estranged from his kin and lived for many years with the barbarians. This allowed him to combine his dwarven constitution bonus with high barbarian hit points and become one of the toughest creatures in all the land. Bomm is filthy even for a barbarian. He never bathes, never does anything to his hair, and has breath that some claim could kill a Korgarian Zombie-Maggot. Besides being naturally hideous and horribly scarred, he also is missing one eye, which he claims to have lost when a sword was jammed straight through his head. To make things even worse, he refuses to wear an eye-patch. Bomm's apparent goal in life is to slaughter as many beings and destroy as many things as he can, and he does not seem to care who or what they are... just for fun and experience. So in that way he's pretty much your standard warrior adventurer.
Citoach Lyve
(Male Goblin Chaotic Evil Thief)
Str: 4 Per: 7 End: 6 Cha: 4 Int: 7 Agi: 9 Luck: 6
It is unclear just why a crazed dwarf barbarian like Bomm Hellaxe would travel with a runty goblin (who claims to be a particularly pale and ugly gnome to avoid racial persecution) thief. The two of them seem to hate each other but put up with each other's company for reasons neither of them can explain. Citoach ("SIT-o-ack"... his original goblinoid spelling was "Siddo'ak") has a high-pitched, annoying goblinoid voice and an ugly goblinoid face, but his speech betrays his actual intelligence, which is very high for a goblin. Perhaps this is part of the reason he's a total coward who snipes from a distance and only closes in to kick his enemies while they're down. His apparent goal in life is to collect trinkets and magical artifacts, and of course a lot of gold too. He also spends his time keeping Bomm out of too much trouble.
Daemonique
(Female Demon-kin Chaotic Neutral Sorceress/Bard)
Str: 5 Per: 6 End: 6 Cha: 9 Int: 7 Agi: 6 Luck: 5
A stunning red-haired young (or at least young-looking) woman, Daemonique takes few pains to hide her Demon-kin heritage. The blood of a demon flows in her veins, and considering the way she dresses (outdoing even most other sorceresses in terms of lack-of-clothing) and carries herself, she could be mistaken for a succubus. Most men simply stumble over themselves to do whatever she wishes, and she seems to have a way with other women as well. However, Daemonique does not have the malevolent spirit of a demon, rather preferring to simply follow her own chaotic path and enjoy life. Between any two paths, she typically chooses the one she hasn't tried. She also seems to be as fascinated by decorating and fashion styles as she is by the secrets of the arcane.
Tom Mitchell
(Male Human Chaotic Good Lycanthrope)
Str: 7 Per: 7 End: 7 Cha: 6 Int: 6 Agi: 7 Luck: 4
Formerly a soldier of the great Western Empire, Tom deserted the army when he discovered he had a few "unique gifts"... He was the son of a Greater Werewolf, and had inherited many of their abilities. Over time, his werewolf pack was able to track him down and infect him with true lycanthropy, turning him into quite a force to be reckoned with. In order to control this newfound power, Tom wandered to the Far East and studied the meditation techniques they taught there, using them to take control of the wolf within him. He also picked up many Eastern fighting styles, along with some samurai armor and a pair of katanas. Due to his good looks, he would be quite charismatic were it not for his loner nature and often fiery temper.
Kailya
(Female Half-Elf Lawful Good Priestess)
Kailya was born when a human priestess of Freyja fell in love with a male elf, and thus she was raised by the followers of her mother's goddess to be a priestess herself. Soon she discovered that society often shuns half-elves. Not so much because they are racist against elves and the like, but more because half-elves are just boring. Elves get an agility bonus and humans have that extra feat thing going on, but half-elves always come up short. Half the time they don't even get a unique appearance! So, in an effort to prove herself, Kailya became an adventurer. She traveled with several guilds and parties, always praying for a worthy quest. Finally, her goddess answered her prayers, and sent Kailya to find and help a certain unlikely hero...
The Forces of Darkness
Lord Morvodok the Black
(Male Undead Human Lawful Evil Warrior)
Years and years and years ago, in a long-forgotten time, the man named "Morvo" was simply an adventurer like any other. He fought against evil simply because that seemed to be the only thing he could do at the time. However, he chose the path of darkness (evil ending?) and began using his powers in a quest for world domination. Well-known as the last and most powerful of the Dark Lords to fall at the end of the Second Age, Lord Morvodok the Black (the Darkest and Blackest and Shadowiest of Blacks) was slain by the flaming swords of the famous adventurer Justyn the Sabre-Scorpion. However, it was foretold that Morvo had predicted his own demise and found a way to return after death. So it was that the remains of Lord Morvodok the Black were locked away in a great prison-tomb, warded by powerful spells and guarded by many devious traps. Unfortunately, nothing stops an adventurer from trying to find some loot, so more and more of these types journeyed to Morvo's tomb looking for treasure. Most of them died, but with the help of the demon Grinker, two adventurers managed to open the sarcophagus of Morvo himself, this fulfilling his prophecy and releasing him upon the world once again... as a powerful undead spirit trapped in the body of a blackened skeleton. Now he, of course, intends to go through with his plans of world domination. Those optimistic adventurers looking to appeal to a spark of goodness still dormant in his black soul are wasting their time; Morvo's character is flat as a pancake, and his only goal in life that of all Dark Lords: to take over the world and spread darkness everywhere... for some reason.
Lysentius
(Male Vampire Human Neutral Evil Necromancer)
Waaaaay back when Lord Morvodok the Black was merely a mortal adventurer, he of course had an adventuring party who traveled with him. The mage of this party was a young and handsome necromancer named Lysentius, who longed for great power over life and death, as necromancers generally do. And women; he also liked women (if you don't know what his name means, then you need to put your vocabulary on the rack and stretch it out a bit). He set about trying to become a lich, but grew impatient and, when the opportunity arose, decided to become a vampire to be immortal instead. Besides, vampires get lots of women. Lysen was the main creator (at least at first) of Lord Morvo's undead armies and therefore could be considered the true power behind the Dark Lord. But since Lysentius is far more interested in arcane lore and magical power (and women) than world domination, he lets Morvo do the commanding of the armies. Lysen mostly keeps to himself (besides all the women). After about five and a half thousand years without drinking a drop of blood, Lysen isn't looking as good as he generally prefers.
Onixian
(Male Undead Half-Dark Elf Chaotic Evil Assassin)
The third member of Lord Morvodok's adventuring party from his old days as a mortal. Onixian was shunned from normal life because of his half-elf heritage... half DARK-elf, that is. As a result, he did the natural thing and became a murderer, thief, and assassin. He joined up with Morvo to gather riches and get away from other people, since he despises just about all of them. "Nix" has a sarcastic and joking attitude that does a good job of hiding his actually bleak and nihilistic outlook on life. To prevent his certain eventual death, Onixian pledged a life of service to Lord Morvodok for all eternity that the tyrant should live. He hoped this would mean he would come back to life along with Morvo... and he did, though he may end up regretting it. Though he prefers to stick to the shadows, Nix is also skilled in martial arts and use of the sword. He possesses a katana named Souldrinker that sucks the spirit and energy out of his foes, fueling his now-undead body with greater speed and strength.
Lysen's Brides
(Female Vampires)
No Vampire Lord would be caught undead without a nice set of brides decorating his tomb! Knowing this full well, Lysentius set about to seduce and convert some helpless females to the way of vampiric immortality. His first go with a bar wench was less than successful (leaving him bruised and humiliated), but he somehow eventually found three females who suited him. Their names were promptly forgotten and replaced with new ones of Lysen's choosing: Raven, Ivy, and Lilith. Raven is the dark-haired and dangerous rogue, Ivy the fiery red-headed archer with a penchant for poison, and Lilith the cold-as-ice blonde-haired witch. Perhaps all three were originally innocent farmgirls who only after their conversion became pallid, black-clad creeps. Or perhaps some of them started out this way. It is also unknown whether they act of their own free will or are under the mental domination of their "creator" and Lord, Lysentius. In any event, they certainly seem to enjoy their jobs.
Agruzgakbalat
(Chaotic Evil Male Ogskittersnagbooloob Demon Lord)
One of the Greater Demon Lords of the Underworld, whose ranks include the Lord of Fear, Lord of Hatred, Lord of Destruction, etcetera... Agruzgakbalat is the Lord of Madness. He is a member of the demon "race" (if they can be called such) known as the Ogskittersnagbooloob. As such, his form is so garbled and incomprehensible that some adventurers, used to seeing nymphs and dryads and things, simply go mad upon witnessing the grotesque sight of him. He's like something out of a modern D&D Monster Manual artist's wet-dream. When groups of adventurers begin plundering the Underworld in search of evil to smite and adventure to be had, it is Agruz who decides it's time to up the level of evil in the mortal world by releasing the undead Lord Morvodok the Black.
Grinker
(Chaotic Neutral Male Imp)
Lord Agruzgakbalat's demonic "secretary" of sorts, Grinker is in charge of keeping the Demon Lord up to date on the goings-on throughout the Underworld... and beyond. He also gets sent on various other small tasks, which results in his generally miserable attitude. Grinker is well aware that there are a lot more imps out there and he is completely expendable, so he stays as far away from real fighting as possible. His motto is "Live and Let Die and be Tortured Horribly and Burn for all Eternity".
Other Characters
King Sabre-Scorpion
(Male Human Chaotic Good Warrior)
A legendary heroic figure in these realms, Justyn's exploits began when he traveled the world in search of adventure, eventually earning the name "Sabre-Scorpion" for his quick and deadly fighting style and his scorpion-shaped sword hilt. One of Scorp's most famous battles was the war with Lord Morvodok the Black, whom he slew in single combat, thus freeing the city of Northtown from the tyrant. Since the previous King of Northtown was now dead, the population of the city declared Sabre-Scorpion himself the de-facto ruler. Though Scorp, due to his Chaotic alignment, did not truly want the position of King, he did set up a city Guard and rebuild Morvo's dark fortress as a new castle for the city. He now reigns as the King of "Scorpiontowne," but is often absent for long periods of time. How Scorp has stayed in basically the same state for the last five and a half thousand years since he killed Lord Morvodok remains a mystery to all but his closest companions.
Sir Ryan
(Male Human Neutral Good Knight)
The leader of the Knights of the Order of the Sapphire, Sir Ryan is a noble warrior of great skill and renown, and also the brother of Justyn Sabre-Scorpion. Despite being the leader of his Order, Ryan is a somewhat chaotic knight, and he prefers to lead through action rather than words. He spends most of his time adventuring with various companions (including the mage named Nahyr) or alone. Ryan also has his own lordly castle at the home of his Order. As a result of all this, he spends very little time in Scorpiontowne, but he helps out when he can.
Maegan (Jade)
(Female Human Chaotic Neutral Lycanthrope)
Of the three members of the ruling family (the "Scorpiontowne Triumverate" as it is known to some, or the "Gibberlings Three" to others), Maegan (or Jade) is the one who spends the most time actually at Scorpiontowne, strangely enough. Thus, whenever her brother Scorp is missing for whatever reason, she is usually the one who takes charge, making her the de-facto ruler. Despite this leadership position, she has a rather chaotic personality and tends to rule at her whim. Trained by the elves in the ways of nature, Jade has learned to control the beast within her, for she is a lycanthrope, and can transform into a True Werewolf at will.
Sir William and Brother William
(Male Human Neutral Good Knight and Cleric)
Sir William (a knight - the one in the full-face helmet) and Brother William (a cleric - the one in the cone helmet) were once "good" adventurers, traveling in a party that included the likes of Brilliant Bill the Mage and Clean Willy the Thief. But then they made the mistake of trying to raid the tomb of Lord Morvodok the Black. They were able to open the doors to his tomb after finding a note left by Grinker. Upon opening Morvo's sarcophagus, they were blasted away into skeletons. Later, they were raised by Lysentius as part of Morvo's grand undead army. They have apparently retained part of their consciousness and still aren't quite sure of what is going on.
The Lady of the Pond
(Female Lawful Good Immortal)
A messenger of the gods and translator of destiny and prophecy, the Lady of the Pond is the immortal being assigned to watch over Bob ("Sir Robert Bumbleton") on his adventures and point him in the right direction. Her usual method of contacting him is by bringing his spirit to her pond while he dreams. She's hoping that this job, if successful, will earn her the rank of Lady of the Lake. At least she's no longer a Lady of the Puddle, at any rate. She tries to take her job quite seriously but often finds herself frustrated with the clumsy antics of our typical "unlikely" hero.
Bobeyo
(Male Human(?) Chaotic Neutral Wizard)
Very little is known about the mysterious wizard named Bobeyo (pronounce it "BOB-ee-yo" or he will quite utterly destroy you). He has many different homes and many different names in many different lands, but he only pops up and helps (or hinders) people when he feels like it. Sometimes he takes different forms, but all of them have, at the very least, a mustache. Indeed, the limit of his immense magical power seems to be just under his nose, for not even his arcane prowess can alter the existence (only the shape and color) of his mustache. It is Bobeyo who started all this trouble in the Third Age again by sending many groups of wandering adventurers to Hell to find and fight the evil there.
Factions and Guilds
The Scorpiontowne Guard
The men and... well, mostly just men... who make up the
Scorpiontowne Guard are tasked with the following jobs: keeping the peace in the
city, carrying out justice among the citizens, and defending the city from
outside attack. While on duty, they are quickly and easily identified by their
red and black armor emblazoned with the emblem of the scorpion. The Guard is
made up entirely of volunteers, which means you get two basic kinds: the zealous
soldiers who believe in the cause, and the layabouts who simply want the
benefits and are rarely seen on the job.
The Guards are based on the moderators of the Saber-Scorpion's Lair Forums.
Disciples of Righteous Conquest
The impromptu name fashioned by Bob for his party, which resulted in the unfortunate acronym of "DORC." His companions are constantly trying to get it changed, but for now this is their name in the Guild Logbooks. Bob's party appears to have a surprising mixture of good and evil members, and will take most any side-quest due to their largely chaotic nature. It is unknown whether their largely naive leader is even aware of this.
The Silver Sword Party
An adventuring party founded by Sir Caleb Pike, a Knight of the Order of the Sapphire. The Silver Swords are named after their favored weapon. Members of this group typically fight for justice and righteousness, and are willing to take quests for little or no reward as long as the cause is good.
The Black Katana Brotherhood
A guild named after their favored weapon, the Black Katana Brotherhood fights primarily for money. They are willing to take on almost any assignment, for good or ill, so long as the rewards in the end are good enough. The current leader of this guild is a former pirate known as "the Hurricane."
The Fighters Guild
The Fighters Guild is a huge organization that spans the length and breadth of the realm. Many adventurers are members of it, if only as a means of getting quests. The Guild is basically a mercenary organization, which can be hired to take on most any job by visiting a guildhouse in any major city.
The Wolves of Alvallar
Ironically, sometimes loners do band together. When they do, they often “join” the Wolves of Alvallar, simply by using that name when they work together. Many rangers and loner adventurers are part of this group. They are the most neutral clan in existence, and will take most any adventurous job, depending on how they each feel about it.
The Blackhearts
Not all adventurers are good, and not all are merely selfish and greedy. Some are pure, dag-nasty evil to the core. The most evil of them join the group known as the Blackhearts, who revel in spreading destruction, chaos, and suffering across the land. The Blackhearts are rumored to currently be performing quests for Lord Morvodok.
The Snakes in the Grass
An extremely mysterious band of adventurers that stay mostly to themselves and keep their goals a secret. According to the rumors, they once served a powerful demon lord but later betrayed him. They still retain some power to summon otherworldly creatures, but the demon lord still hunts them. Can be hired as assassins.
User-Submitted Characters
The comic also occasionally features
members from
the
forums (SSLF) as characters or extras. If you would like to have a chance at
being an extra, then sign up for SSLF and post your generic LEGO
medieval/fantasy character in
this thread! User-submitted
characters who make it into the comic will probably end up in one of the Guilds
(above).
The custom LEGO minfigures you see in my comics were made using decals (stickers) that I designed myself. For more information, see the FAQ. I now sell my minifig decals through a printing service as well. Just click the button below!
The Epic Storyline Cliché Formula
It has been my observation that nearly all epic stories follow a certain pre-determined formula. Here it is...
"Our story begins ages and ages ago, when the evil [insert Dark Lord here] plagued the land. Eventually, his reign came to an end when he was [insert method of defeat here]. Today, however, the Dark Lord has arisen once again [insert method of resurrection and new form here]! Now the world's only hope is the generic hero, [insert name here], who is out to avenge [insert wrongdoing here]! Along the way, the hero is guided by [insert mysterious being, usually old man, here], who tells him that, in order to defeat the Dark Lord, he needs [insert magical weapon, trinkets, and/or training here]. On the course of his journey, it is revealed that our hero is actually [insert secret past here]! And he learns a lesson about trust when [insert person who turns out to be evil or a traitor here]."
That's it. The formula can be applied to nearly anything. Click Here to see the list I've compiled so far!
If you can think you can add to the list, please e-mail me and I'll put in your submission!
Other Related Works
In the Fantasy Art & Writing section, you'll now find a story about Bomm
and Citoach: how they first met, and how they became adventurers. NOTE:
No, it is not written like a comedy.
In the Gaming section, Baldur's Gate II versions of the main SYWBAA characters are now available for download, including custom portraits and voice-sets.
If you want to talk about SYWBAA in the SSLF (Saber-Scorpion's Lair Forums),
here's a link to the official thread:
http://forums.saber-scorpion.com/index.php?showtopic=16166